La soffice e tiepida carezza della mano di mia mamma è il primo ricordo della mia nuova vita. Appena i miei occhi si sono adattati alla luce, ho capito di non aver sognato: ero stesa in un letto di ospedale e sentivo il gorgogliare di un apparecchio alle mie spalle. La gola mi bruciava dall’arsura e l’aria arrivava da una mascherina verde che mi faceva gocciolare di condensa il mento. Gli occhi lucidi, gonfi e arrossati della mamma non riuscivano a rispondere a tutti i quesiti che mi balenavano e si rincorrevano nella testa in quei pochi e primi attimi di coscienza. Con lei vicina mi sentivo al sicuro. Poi ho iniziato a ricordare: la febbre alta, la scala ripida del dottore, la radiografia, la corsa in ambulanza, l’antibiotico, la crisi respiratoria e poi più nulla per una settimana. Sette interminabili giorni nei quali i miei genitori hanno vissuto con la paura di perdermi. E i medici che, impotenti, non potevano e volevano fare previsioni. Allo sgomento dei primi ricordi è subentrata la paura di un luogo e di una situazione nuovi, incomprensibili. Fino a pochi giorni prima la mia vita scorreva serena e senza preoccupazioni. Ora mi ritrovavo in un enorme salone del vecchio ospedale con soffitti altissimi, relegata in una delle tante stanze ricavate con semplici separé, credo di plastica, dalla quale si potevano sentire i lamenti delle persone ricoverate. La notte era il momento peggiore: ancora stordita da tutti i farmaci somministrati per flebo e iniezioni l’unica cosa che auspicavo fare era riposare, dormire, anche per non dover affrontare le mie nuove paure. Le urla e i continui lamenti facevano crescere in me l’ansia e passavo la notte a sperare che qualcuno facesse qualcosa per promuovere il silenzio! Era una situazione struggente tanto che mia mamma ha deciso di regalarmi il mio primo mangiacassette rosso e il mio primo album “Bad” di Micheal Jackson che tanto desideravo! E proprio Michael mi ha tenuta compagnia nelle lunghe notti insonni (alla fine sapevo tutti i brani a memoria)! Non dimenticherò mai l’espressione di mio papà quando mi ha rivista! Era incredulo, impaurito e allo stesso tempo sollevato perché ero ancora viva! Si sentiva in colpa per non esserci stato! Ora nessuno di noi, compreso mio fratello, poteva sapere cosa sarebbe potuto succedere. Nei giorni seguenti le mie condizioni miglioravano ma malgrado ciò sentivo che qualcosa si era irrimediabilmente compromesso: il mio respiro. Ricordo poco di quei giorni, tanto ero frastornata. Ricordo però quando papà mi portava gli appunti di scuola e passavamo i pomeriggi a fare compiti e studiare le lingue, soprattutto tedesco, per non rimanere troppo indietro! Lo studio rappresentava un ancora che mi teneva aggrappata ad un piccolo barlume di normalità e lo sarebbe stato poi per tutta la vita!!!
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